If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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