Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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