I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
