You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
