they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
