just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
