Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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