no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
