alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Boobs speak an international language.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
