sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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