I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
