Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
