so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
