is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
