I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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