I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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