i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
