your room smells of hookers.
And success
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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