It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize