he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Panties = found
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
