He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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