cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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