we made out on top of his cat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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