is your mom at the bar?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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