Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize