Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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