I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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