I will die if light touches me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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