one might say we're banned from that church
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
