Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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