real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
