If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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