Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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