How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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