you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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