If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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