i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
