I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
