No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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