My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
