I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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