Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
