There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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