Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
