dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
