I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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