It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
