All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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