I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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