I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
