after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize