shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
not ubering you a puppy
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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