we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
