What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My liver just had a heart attack.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize