We won't sleep together?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
