It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
