toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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