Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
