I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I CAN MOONWALK!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
