i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize