Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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