this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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