Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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