I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
