Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm too high and old for this...
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