I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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