Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The convent might be a nice break from real life
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
