dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize