If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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